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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26932009">Here Beside You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmmph/pseuds/mmmmph'>mmmmph</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Friendship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Being Fucked Up, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Hurt Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, TV Special: Miraculous World: New York, adrien i love you but wtf bro, crying is my love language, good communication, lots of crying actually, marinette is angry in this bc she deserves to be, rooftops conversation, talking of cataclysm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 04:14:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26932009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmmph/pseuds/mmmmph</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>She couldn't be Ladybug if he wasn't right beside her being Chat Noir. And she couldn't afford not being Ladybug. He knew that too.</em>
</p><p> <em>Just… urgh! That stupid cat! What was he thinking? How could he do this to her? It was the two of them against the world. He just, what? Fucked out of there, let her face the battle on her own? It wasn't fair. She didn't get that option. And he neither. What he just did, leaving her like that… that was unforgivable.</em></p><p>  <em>But she'd forgive him if he came back.</em></p><p> </p><p> <br/>or - Chat gave up his ring. And then he came back. There's a conversation they must have about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>179</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>if you don't have canon Serious Talk Time, homemade is fine too!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chat was maybe an idiot, but he was for sure a damn honest one.</p><p>And you know what? He could see when he was making a mistake. And perhaps contrary to popular belief, he wasn't actually stupid.</p><p>So yeah, he knew – he <em>knew</em> – that giving up his miraculous was something he'll probably regret later. But it just didn't matter if he would. The look in Ladybug's eyes when he killed that girl… <em>this</em> was his breaking line. This was something he could never, ever bear again. Everything else he could deal with. Not that. Not that.</p><p>(Not the way his hands still shook. Not when he knew exactly how much it hurts, not when he knew Ladybug's cure didn't wipe away the memory of being eaten alive from the inside out. Not that. Not ever again. He almost crossed a one-way-street today. How could he even look himself in the mirror, had he kept the ring?)</p><p>But knowing something was right – and a mistake – didn't make it easier. There was a gape, a hole where his black ball of annoying cheese-breath used to be. Chat was- <em>Adrien</em> was lonely. </p><p>He wondered if his lady will forgive him.</p><p> </p><p>Ladybug was furious. Angry, seething, livid... and terrified out of her mind.</p><p>She was alone. She was so unbelievably alone. Muster Fu was gone, leaving the weight of the entire world on her shoulders behind him as a parting gift; Adrien still unattainable as ever, Alya and her parents too distant to confined, her responsibility like a wall between her and them; Luka felt like a solution until he didn't; and her partner. Just. Left. Her.<br/>
 <br/>
Will she ever even see him again? It seemed unlikely. She didn't even know who he was! Was that the last time she ever saw him? Was this how it ended? It couldn't. But it was. This was the last time she ever saw him and she told him she didn't trust him anymore. Which she didn't! Not after what he just done. But it shouldn't have been her last words to him. Not after everything. Not after all they've been through together. He couldn't <em>leave her</em> to face the world alone. She couldn't. He knew this! He must have known. She told him and told him and she told him. She couldn't be Ladybug if he wasn't right beside her being Chat Noir. And she couldn't <em>afford</em> not being Ladybug. He knew that too.</p><p>Just… urgh! That stupid cat! What was he <em>thinking?</em> How could he do this to her? It was the two of them against the world. He just, what? Fucked out of there, let her face the battle on her own? It wasn't fair. She didn't get that option. And he neither. What he just did, leaving her like that… that was unforgivable.</p><p>But she'd forgive him if he came back.</p><p>As long as he came back.</p><p>Please. She couldn't face it all alone. She couldn't be the sole protector of Paris, the only thing standing between the city and ruins. She couldn't lift the entire sky up day after day alone. She <em>needed</em> help. She needed support. She <em>needed</em> her <em>partner</em>.</p><p>She needed Chat Noir. With his stupid awful jokes and his dumb roses and his big smiles and his strong eyes – she didn't feel so heroic without him.</p><p>She felt like Marinette. Like Marinette, alone in a foreign city, in the dark street, trying to swallow the ever growing lump of fear and despair and loss in her throat. It was weird. She was grieving for someone who was alive. Or was she grieving for merely an idea of a person? Did she ever actually know him, the person who was the closest to her in the entire world? </p><p>Maybe not. She thought she knew him. But the Chat she knew would never abandon her. </p><p>Oh, gosh, this was all too much. Paris was in ruins because of them, and she did everything right, she did everything right, and she still failed, and she was still punished for it, and she was gonna be the only one to bear the consequences. There was no winning. Maybe not ever. Maybe Hawk Moth will always be the only thing she knows, maybe she will never know peace. Or maybe without Chat Noir she wouldn't last even one battle. They were gonna lose. No- <em>she</em> was gonna lose. </p><p>Fuck! How dare he?! She counted on him. He promised to stay in Paris. He gave her his word, and it was enough, 'cause she knew his word was enough! She felt so, so…</p><p>So betrayed. So pissed. So small.</p><p>There were tears in her eyes. This was enough with the self-pity. </p><p>"Tikki, spots off," she whispered. She blinked and here she was – her friend. Her last friend. The only one, now. She was looking at her with nothing but love at her eyes and in that moment it was too much.</p><p>Marinette started crying.</p><p>"Oh, Marinette," said Tikki, flying to her face and kissing her salty cheeks. "I am so sorry."</p><p>"What do I do, Tikki?" she cried. "What do I do?"</p><p>Tikki said nothing, because she knew there was nothing worth saying to be said, and because she knew there was nothing worth doing to be done.</p><p>And when Marinette arrived at the hotel finally, heart heavier than it ever was, she felt for the first time like if Hawk Moth tried to akumatized her – maybe he would succeed. </p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
This was a long day, for the both of them. So by the end of the battle, after they hugged and after she cried and after he promised to never do it again, Ladybug figured they can wait with the conversation she knew was bound to happen. Maybe after they return to Paris. Maybe after the anger die down.</p><p>But her cat apparently had other plans.</p><p>"Ladybug," he said once they were alone, already in his space suit. "I… I'm sorry."</p><p>"Chat, can we not do this right now? I don't think any of us is in a condition for this right now."</p><p>"No, please, I just need to say it. You don't have to say anything back. Just hear me, please?"</p><p>Today, after everything that's happened, she couldn't deny him. She would have given him anything he asked for. She nodded.</p><p>"I'm sorry that I offended your trust. You have any right to be angry with me and to not trust me anymore. I fucked up. I shouldn't have left Paris. But I need you to know that I will do anything for you to forgive me. I will. Please."</p><p>She stared at him. He was the dumbest person she knew. He was hers. "Chat, I already forgave you. You don't need to do anything. It's fine."</p><p>"No, it's not. You're lying to me."</p><p>And somehow, he was also the smartest person she knew. Because she realized he was right. She <em>was</em> lying. </p><p>"Please, M'lady, talk to me."</p><p>"Talk to you? Suddenly you want to talk?" she said maliciously. "Because I wanted to talk earlier, and you disappeared on me."</p><p>His face morphed, like suddenly understanding where was your mistake when going over a math test full of red marks. "Ladybug-"</p><p>"Yes. Yes, I know. You didn't think about it. You never think, Chat. That's the thing. You just… ugh!" she turned her face away. "Can we <em>please</em> not have this conversation now?"</p><p>He was already agreeing, but his face was pained and she couldn't – despite all the anger still living in her heart – she just couldn't send him back to Paris to wallow in misery for the next couple days before she returns and they can resume the conversation. She did almost lose him. She did lose him. She didn't want him to suffer.</p><p>"Fine," she said. "Just… can we sit down at least? Have it proper?"</p><p>"Yes, of course," he said, setting a new world record for the fastest sit-down known to men. He lost her too today. He would have done anything she asked of him. He would have given her the moon. "Where do we begin?" he asked.</p><p>She sat next to him. "I don't know," she said. It was frightening, it was exciting, it was totally new. She felt like all her nerves were wired. "Maybe tell me why you are in your space suit?"</p><p>He smiled, then. Like she told the most wonderful thing. And then sighed. "I don't think I can tell you."</p><p>She knew what he meant. She always was aware. She had to be; Chat was often thinking with his heart rather than his head, and while there was nothing wrong with it, not inherently, Marinette couldn't relate. She was a head-listener, always have been. So she understood what he was saying. She still wished she could know.</p><p>"You're going back to Paris, right? Right now. Why?"</p><p>"M'lady…"</p><p>"Is it because of me?"</p><p>He looked up to her in surprise. So it wasn't. That's good. She didn't realize how bad the thought made her feel until it was gone. </p><p>"Ladybug, no, I pro- I'm telling you. It has nothing to do with you. But I- I would have if you wanted me. I'd go. I'd go in a heartbeat."</p><p>"I know, Kitty," she said, face soft.</p><p>"I'd do anything to make it up to you."</p><p>"Just…" she nodded her head, unsure how to phrase it, 'it' being confusion and emotional exhaustion and leftover of the worst pain she had ever know. "Tell me why you left Paris? This'll do it."</p><p>"I can't," he said. He wanted to. They both knew he wanted.</p><p>"Then just- tell me why you didn't tell me you were leaving?"</p><p>He let out a deep breath. She knew he was picking his words carefully. "It was a last minute thing. I honestly thought I was gonna stay when we talked. And then when I found out… it was too late. There was no time to contact you. My father-" he winced. He already said too much. She tried her best to forget right away, but knew she wouldn't. "And maybe I was afraid. That you'd think I'm not responsible. That you'd blame me for not lifting as much of the weight as you. You do so much, Ladybug. Way more than me. We both know it. Maybe I wanted to give you a break? Prove myself to you…"</p><p>"Chat…" she cupped his cheek with her hand. "You don't need to prove anything to me. You must know it by now, come on. I was devastated when you left today, I could never do it without you. There is no one I rather do this with, Chat, no one else. I really admire you."</p><p>He looked at her with the biggest eyes, flushed and shocked and embarrassed, of all things, like he really didn't know. What a bastard. </p><p>"I guess," he said carefully, "that I'm a bit fucked up. I'm sorry, Ladybug. I should know that. You tell me all the time. I don't know why it hasn't sunk in yet."</p><p>"It's okay to be fucked up," she said. The sun herself wasn't as kind and warm as her. "I'm a bit fucked too. Maybe we'll tell each other our fucks? You just gotta work with me Chat. I promise we can face anything."</p><p>He believed her. Of course he did. Nothing scared him, with her on his side. He could take Hawk Moth while beside her. He could take his father. Maybe even his own self esteem.</p><p>He hugged her, suddenly. Held her close in his arms. They hugged a lot, but each time it was like drinking water. He could never ask for more. He already had so much. Just her. How was he so lucky?</p><p>"I'm sorry," he said again, and she hoped this time he's apologizing for the right thing.</p><p>"What are you sorry for?"</p><p>"That I left you my miraculous. It was a… a dick move."</p><p>She laughed, short and bright. "Yeah it was!"</p><p>He laughed too. "I didn't think-"</p><p>"You never do," she interrupted. She pushed him, jokingly. Then she started crying.</p><p>Chat stared, startled, unsure what to do. His hands flew around uselessly. "M'lady-!"</p><p>She pushed him again, harder this time. Her eyes were bright with tears and sudden anger. "Do you have any idea how I felt?"</p><p>"I-"</p><p>"Do you have any idea what it feels like to know that you're the only thing that stops your city from being ruined? And now with the responsibility of being the guardian of the box, Chat, you should know how hard it all is for me right now. I need you. Not just as a partner in battle, Chat, you're the only person who knows I'm Ladybug. If you were truly gone, do you know how <em>alone</em> I'd be? Chat, you are the only person I can talk about this part of my life with. You should know what you leaving would do to me. It was selfish of you. You don't get to walk away on me. You don't get to run from this the second it gets too much."</p><p>She laid back and breathed slowly. The tears were now falling down her face. He scooted closer to her and put his arm around her shoulder.</p><p>"I… I'm so sorry M'lady. You're right. It was selfish. You should never have to go alone in this. I guess I just thought… that you'll find another partner?"</p><p>She snorted. "Another partner won't be you, dumbass. It can't just be anybody, it needs to be you."</p><p>It made something warm in his stomach blooms, and he smiled. "Thank you, " he said, and it sounded like the beginning of healing. "It means a lot for me to hear it. I'll try to remember it."</p><p>"I'll try to remind you," she said, and it sounded like forgiveness. </p><p>He hummed, and they smiled, and they sat in quiet. </p><p>"Ladybug?" he asked a few moments of silence later. "You know you don't have to carry it alone, right?" he looked at her. "I'm right here beside you."</p><p>This made her choke. She couldn't open her mouth, so she just nodded.</p><p>"I'm serious. It isn't fair how heavily the burden falls on your side. I'll help. Say what you need, and I'll do it. I wanna be as in this as much as you are. I won't run away. We're a team, after all, aren't we?"</p><p>He send her one of his brightest smiles and she could barely take it. </p><p>"Chat…" she mumbled, because relief was just as strange a feeling, and it left her shaking a little. She hugged him, again, because after you lose the person most important to you you're gonna hug them as many as you can, and she could.</p><p>"I need to go back," she said finally. "And probably so are you."</p><p>He checked his watch. "I got a bit more minutes. But yeah, it's a good idea. I just… I don't wanna say goodbye to you."</p><p>"Then don't," she said, and while it was a cheesy line, it was also the truth. "We'll see each other in a couple days. No disappearing! Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah," he said. "Of course."</p><p>And it wasn't it – not even close. They had still so much more that needed talking about. She didn't ask about the cataclysm, and Chat didn't bring that up; he also didn't bring up the fact that while he did regret abandoning her, he didn't fully regret leaving her his miraculous. He still kinda thought it was the right decision. He still didn't want to ever do it again, not on purpose, not on accident. He <em>couldn't.</em></p><p>But this was another conversation, perhaps, to another time. This was, after all, a long ass day. </p><p>"See you back in Paris, M'lady," he said.</p><p>"See you, Kitty," she replied.</p><p>"Bump it?"</p><p>"Bump it."</p><p>And yes, thought Chat, everything was gonna be okay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat Noir and Ladybug return to Paris. They're having that talk about cataclysm or so help her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey! this second part naturally has bits of talks about, well, death. and about chat killing someone. it didn't stick, but, well, yes. read with carefulness my baby birds!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh, for fuck's sake!"</p><p>"Watch out, Chat!"</p><p>"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"</p><p>This has been the fifth Akuma attack on this week alone, and they've only been back from New-York for one week. Chat was exhausted. His lady was exhausted. Hawk Moth must have been exhausted, too. And yet.</p><p>"Cataclysm!"</p><p>"Lucky charm!"</p><p>Oh my god, he needed a break.</p><p> </p><p>"Watch out!"</p><p>Sixth attack (and counting) and it was only Wednesday. His lady was so tired she didn't laugh at his puns today. He was so tired that he knew tomorrow he will not be making them. Their current rival – he forgot their name, but could you blame him? – wasn't tired. They were real fresh, the asshole. Why did the people of Paris kept having bad days? Just go to therapy already, by god.</p><p>"Chat, watch OUT!"</p><p>His lady was suddenly on him, rolling.</p><p>"You need to pay more attention, kitty."</p><p><em>I know</em>, he tried to say, but what came out was "I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay," she said. She got up on her elbows. "Hey, see the boiler right there? I need you to cataclysm it, I have an idea."</p><p>"Gotcha'," he said, because doing the things she asked of him no questions asked was the thing he was best at. He ran to the boiler. "Cataclysm!" he called.</p><p>They were on a high enough roof that no one but them and the akuma victim was supposed to be there, but as he got closer he could see something resembling eyes hiding behind the container.</p><p>His hand faltered.</p><p>"Hey-" he said, "hi, I-" his breath caught. He growled. He saw white, very suddenly.</p><p>"Cataclysm!" he cried again, though he knew it really wouldn't do anything. And then he slammed his hand hard into the ground beneath him.</p><p>…the ground that was actually a roof. And immediately collapsed under his feet.</p><p>"Oh, shit-" he managed to say and then he was on his way down, alongside the cat whose eyes he saw.</p><p> </p><p>Ladybug was understanding as to why he didn't destroy the boiler, and also as to why he did destroy the very roof she was standing on while she was mid-battle. She was very understanding of a lot of things lately. Adrien wasn't sure he liked it. No, no- he liked it. But he wasn't sure he liked the way it made him feel.</p><p>She smiled at him and asked that he won't cataclysm their battlefield again next time. She said it like she's trying to make him laugh. So he laughed.</p><p>The next battle, when she asked him to destroy something, he used his staff.</p><p> </p><p>They sat together on the roof after the battle, always on the roofs, always on top of the world – they were super, they were invincible, they couldn't lose and they couldn't hurt and oh how his head spun.</p><p>"Hey, chat?" said his lady.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"This was a good battle. You fought well."</p><p>"Thank… you?" he hesitated. It's not like he didn't want the compliment – he always did. He wanted them so badly. Sometimes he felt like he could die from how bad he wanted it. Sometimes he felt he could die from how ashamed he was at how bad he wanted it. – but it was just… a bit of a weird one? She never told him he fought well. As long as Hawk Moth didn't have their miraculouses, it was a bit of a given that he probably fought well.</p><p>"You're welcome. Um, so, yeah. A bit crazy lately, huh?"</p><p>It almost sounded like she was trying (and failing) to start a small talk with him. But Ladybug never did that – they didn't do small talks. Chat narrowed his eyes in suspiciousness. "What are you on about?" he said.</p><p>For a second it looked like she might deny, but then she did the sort of sigh she did when he told a really bad joke, the sort that said she accepts her unfortunate fate.</p><p>"I wanted to ask you something. I'm just not sure how to bring that up."</p><p>"However you want," he said. Curiosity killed the cat.</p><p>"I couldn't help but notice that you've been having… a hard time. Regarding your… power. Lately."</p><p>Hmm. That was not something he wanted to talk about. Now he wasn't curious anymore and was regretting allowing the conversation. So much for sayings if he never learns from them. Shame, really.</p><p>"It's really nothing, M'lady. Don't worry."</p><p>She flicked his head. "You're being stupid again," she said, which was fair but also rude.</p><p>"What do you want me to say?"</p><p>She paused. "I don't know," she mumbled. "Just… what's going on?"</p><p>Suddenly, Adrien was very tired.</p><p>"You already know, though. You're smart."</p><p>"I don't want to make assumptions."</p><p>"You have my consent to."</p><p>Ladybug hesitated. "Chat, you've been reluctant to use your cataclysm lately," she said.</p><p>"I have," he agreed, because he had.</p><p>"Is this about what happened in New-York?"</p><p>He stayed quiet, which was a yes as far as answers go.</p><p>"Chat…" she started and trailed off.</p><p>"I know," he said although he wasn't sure what is it that he knows.</p><p>"You know I don't blame you, right?" she asked. Her voice was gentle, like a friendly reminder, and he wondered how he is to tell her that he <em>didn't know</em>, actually. "Chat, I get that it was scary but-"</p><p>"It wasn't scary," he cut her. "It wasn't like when you screw up or something like that, M'lady. It was…" and he couldn't get the words out of his throat then, couldn't tell her what it was like, couldn't do anything but sit there, on the edge of this roof, and watch the city that trusted him below him like a lie, and he could not look her in the eyes. "Ladybug, I killed someone."</p><p>She went very still beside him then. "But she came back," she said finally, and he could tell she knows it is the lamest excuse of a comfort to ever come out of her mouth.</p><p>"It doesn't matter," he said. He had to force the words out of his throat one by one. "If you weren't there I…" he shook his head. "This is too much."</p><p>"Oh, Chat…" she said. She hugged him then. He wished the tears would decide already if they are in or out, and just get out of his throat.</p><p>"I can't do this again." His head was bowed. "Not ever, Ladybug."</p><p>She locked her eyes with his. "This is why you gave up your miraculous," she said.</p><p>"You didn't figure this out?"</p><p>"I-" she said. "I figured. I just…" she bowed her own head. "I'm sorry. I didn't think."</p><p>For some reason, <em>this</em> was what done it finally and the tears decided where they want to be. The answer was out.</p><p>"Mon Minou," she said. "it's okay, it's okay."</p><p>She didn't say don’t cry, which he appreciated, because he didn't think it was a request he could answer right now. So for a couple of minutes they sat there and he cried and cried, obeying his tired eyes and his tired mind.</p><p>"I can't do this again, Ladybug," he said. "I can't."</p><p>"Then you won't," she said, like it was this simple, and he couldn't tell if she believed herself. "Hey, hey, Chat, look at me – I promise it's okay."</p><p>And it was easy for her to say, because she was Ladybug, and she'd never hurt anyone, and she'd never abandon anyone or fail anyone, she was perfect and she probably never cried because she was lonely and she probably never put herself before Paris but he was selfish like that and-</p><p>And really, he only wanted to do the right thing. He just needed her to tell him what it was.</p><p>"I'd do anything so it wouldn't happen again," he said. "Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Please, Ladybug."</p><p>She was looking at him like her heart was breaking, and she said "my kitty, I'm sorry, I don't know-"</p><p>"I didn't mean to leave you," he blurted out, and he was crying again, you couldn't tell he ever even stopped. "In New-York. I never wanted to leave you. There is nothing I love more than being Chat Noir, M'lady, than fighting by your side."</p><p>"Then why- I don't understand-"</p><p>"Because maybe it's what's right."</p><p>He was crying so hard she almost couldn't make out the words, but they fell between them like bricks even so.</p><p>She looked at him, and she was shaking, and she felt like those pictures where you see the vase and you're trying to see the two people, when suddenly something just <em>clicks</em>.</p><p>"Oh," she said. "Oh, no."</p><p>She cupped his face and felt her own tears rising in her. "Chat, what do you mean?" she asked. "Who could possibly do this better then you? There's no one else, Chat. Only you."</p><p>"No," he choked, "I'm doing this all wrong. I'm only failing you and Paris. I'm a danger, Ladybug. I'm just- I love being Chat Noir so much-" his voice broke on the word love and she was pretty sure her heart broke alongside it, "-and I- I can't-" he closed his eyes. "I can't let it go but I-"</p><p>"Shhh," she said. She wanted to hug him until he stops talking. "You're wrong." She said it again. "You're <em>wrong</em>, Chat, what you're saying is all <em>wrong</em>."</p><p>She was honestly having a hard time breathing suddenly. She let him cry himself dry again. This time it took longer.</p><p>The sun was starting to lower by the time he was done.</p><p>"I don't want to give up being Chat Noir," he managed to say. "But I think I should. I don't think I'm good at it, and I don't deserve it anymore. I'm staying because I'm selfish-" every word out of his mouth was a dagger in her chest. "-but I want to do the right thing."</p><p>"Chat," she said, "why do you think you're not good at it?"</p><p>He stared at her. "I killed someone," he said slowly.</p><p>"it wasn't your fault."</p><p>He wanted to believe her. He wanted nothing more than to believe her. But the things he wanted were rarely the right things, now, were they? And he had no idea how to make her understand.</p><p>"Chat, remember how you said you were fucked up?" he nodded. "Good. So hear me out, but I think – and I mean it in the nicest way I can, Chat, but I think your fucked-up-ness is showing."</p><p>This made him laugh. The sound was sudden and watery, like those summer showers. They were standing on the brink of something very important, and she knew if she wasn't careful right now she would fall.</p><p>"Maybe you're right," he said – and it was hope and everything but hope all at the same time. It was him wanting her to be right but fearing the want.</p><p>"I am," she said, because she didn't know what the hell was going on in his head, but she did know he was a damn good Chat Noir, and whatever he was thinking that led to him deciding he should quit just had to be dead wrong.</p><p>"Chat, I will tell you this again and again, for years if I have to, okay?" he nodded. "You, whoever is under the mask, are an amazing hero that is going his best and is helping this city a great deal. Okay?"</p><p>"Okay," he whispered. "But Ladybug-"</p><p>"No buts! I mean it. There are literally no contradictions to that."</p><p>"Ladybug, I screw up so much-"</p><p>"You screw up the normal amount! You do more good than bad, Chat."</p><p>His face did a funny thing then, and he sucked on a sudden breath. "I don't want to hurt anyone," he said. "I'm afraid."</p><p>She was left without words, then, for a moment. She took his hand and squeezed it. There was a silence.</p><p>"I'm afraid too," she said. "Of hurting someone. But you always make me braver."</p><p>He smiled to himself. "You make me braver too," said.</p><p>"Here, you see?" she called. "That's why there are two of us! That's what friends are for you dumbass. Alone you will just be scared-er."</p><p>"If I quit the suit, do I get to know who you are first?" he asked, smiling.</p><p>"Wow, you got dumber during our conversation," she said. "Are you dehydrated from all the crying and your brain can't function?"</p><p>He laughed for real then, bright like a song. "You mean bug," he mumbled under his breath.</p><p>"I'm just saying," she laughed and hugged his shoulder, "I'm just saying that if you worry about being a danger, well, you shouldn't. You're the most careful person I know. What happened in New-York was an accident. It doesn't mean anything, doesn't say anything about you. And I know you will work 200% harder to make sure it doesn't happen again. Cut yourself some slack. I may be a mean bug, but you're a mean fucking cat, okay? And I hate when someone is being mean to my best friend."</p><p>"Ladybug," he said quietly, staring at her with a smile, his hand on his chest. "I'm touched." He probably meant it to be a joke, but is sounded sincere. Good. She wanted him to be. But she wasn't done just yet.</p><p>"What would you say if I had killed that girl, with my lucky charm?" she asked, her last weapon, the final blow. "Would you say I should give up my earrings because of that?"</p><p>"Oh," he said, and a pained smile was on his face, like he's unsure of how to response. "Oh, I know what you're trying to do-"</p><p>"Is it working?" she asked, honey on her tongue.</p><p>"Yes!" he called, throwing his arms up. "Yes, you fucking nuisance, it works! I'd tell you you're being stupid and that you're the best Ladybug we could have asked for and you should think less. Gosh."</p><p>"Good!" she said and punched his arm. "So I am here to tell you this. Is it working?"</p><p>"Yes," he looked at her from the side of his eye, all fond. "Yes, it actually is. Thank you. I… might need to hear it again though."</p><p>"So I'll be here to tell you again," she replied. "Duh."</p><p>"Right, duh," he smiled.</p><p>They sat back for a moment, watching the dark sky beneath them.</p><p>"Hey, Ladybug?" asked Chat. "I don't want to ruin the mood, but can I… can I tell you about the time I got cataclysmed myself?"</p><p>She nearly fell from the roof. "<em>What</em>?!"</p><p>He chuckled. "Relax, I'm still here, I'm not dead. You knew about it, didn't you? I thought you did."</p><p>"I'm…" she worried her brain but couldn't summon anything clear. "I must've forgotten. I'm sorry, Chat, that sounds scary."</p><p>"It wasn't, really," he said. "Well, a bit. But I knew you'd fix it. I just tried to help for as long as I could."</p><p>"Oh, I DO remember!" she called. "My poor kitty. Of course you can tell me about it. We have all night."</p><p>He smiled. There were still tear-lines on his cheeks. He was brave and breakable, and hers, and she wouldn't want him any other way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter is dedicated to the lovely @BFG_blueapple303 that left a beautiful character study as a comment on the first part of this fic!</p><p>thank you so much to yall of all the comments you left on the first part, it gave me a lot of serotonin in these tiring times 💛</p><p>please comment if you liked it, i am but a humble theater kid and i need applause to survive. love you kiddos! 🐞</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for reading! this was a lot of fun to write. i am toying with the idea of writing a sequel where they're having the conversation about cataclysm, so let me know if you'd like to see it!</p><p>please leave a comment, as i am like tinkerbell and need attention or i cease to exist. have a nice day you little weirdos! 💛</p></blockquote></div></div>
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